Tale of a Dumbarse

18/6/2007

Tale of a Dumbarse


Don't you just hate it when your search for a mansion is hindered by a constant array of garish, gold infused, Versace-inspired shacks? Well if you can relate to this, you will understand the plight of Posh and Becks and their stoic search for a Beverly Hills mansion.

But if you think this type of dilemma is prevalent only in the slums of Beverly Hills, think again. As we speak, here in Sydney homegrown mansion-seekers are engaged in their own valiant searches for the 16 bedroom home of their dreams. And I can verify that they are struggling.

And how can I verify this troubling news you ask?

Well, I can tell you that I received this heart-wrenching tale first-hand. That's right, from the mouth of a true blue, struggling mansionite, fruitlessly wearing out the tires of her 4WD in search of the Aussie dream.

The tale unfolds at a party I attended last night. A friend of mine hosted a gathering at her apartment and it was from this gathering that our tragic heroine emerged. Hamlet-esque in her melancholy, her first words resonated throughout my mind:

"You think there would be some bloody Chardonnay somewhere in this dump."

From this point, I knew I would encounter tales of woe that would wrench at my heartstrings if I committed to a conversation with the tragic heroine. But the humanitarian in me simply couldn't turn away.

"I wouldn't live in this dump if they paid me," she whispered.

Surely Brando's famous "The Horror, the Horror!" quote from Apocalypse Now has just been explained. He was obviously being taken away and forced to live in $600 per week apartment on Sydney's Lower North Shore.

Now I must warn you, the following passages may catapult the easily teary into a state they haven't experienced since the end of Titanic. You've been warned.

"You wouldn't believe how hard it's been for me and my partner to find a house, everywhere we look we can't find anything decent for $3 mill plus".

I was captivated by her plight, and yes a little teary-eyed myself. But this tale of hardship doesn't end there.

"I mean, at one stage we were even willing to go out as far as Pymble."

Pymble! My God! That's miles from civilisation!

"Some people don't understand, it's easy to find a house for $500,000, those people, you know nurses and teachers and stuff, they will buy the first thing that comes along."

Yes, the average Australian has it too bloody easy. And those damn teachers and nurses flaunting their exuberant lifestyles, they should be forced to go house-hunting in Bellevue Hill in their spare time!

"I guess we'll just have to keep searching," she said, her sullen eyes filled with the stress of being without a mansion.

So next time you struggle to make your monthly mortgage repayments, spare a thought for the true Aussie battlers. Such as the mansionless, tragic heroine who spent this Saturday night deprived of Chardonnay.