Bring on Beijing 2008!
I don’t know about you, but I am well-hyped for the forthcoming Beijing Olympics. Maybe in the past maybe, just maybe, I may of referred to the Olympics as “shit boring”, “a waste of time and oxygen” or “fucking shithouse crap”, but thank Mao that the world’s biggest producer of everything is staging this year’s event!
Quite frankly, I cannot wait for what will surely be a truly unique Olympic experience.
Where else can you get that distinctly St Patrick’s Day feel on rivers all year round? And can’t you just picture the glowing atmospheric radiance that a Beijing haze cloud will add to the various track and field events?
But I hear you bleeding hearts criticising the choice of venue for this sporting extravaganza.
Well you wet blankets make me sick, honestly. For heaven’s sake, at least 10 people have died to bring you this event!
I say get into the spirit of things. Just like the England National Football Team did at the 1936 Berlin Olympics.
Instead of complaining about breathing in the fumes of the dog shit milkshake that is Beijing’s atmosphere or lecturing about “human rights”, get some Olympic spirit and experience all that the Chinese capital has to offer! Beat a pesky Tibetan, get in the spirit of the shooting events by using the same weapons being sold to the Sudanese Government (hence Janjaweed) to unload live rounds on troublesome hippy students (and those pesky Tibetans again if there are any left) or take a morning jog equivalent across the afternoon haze fog of Tiananmen Square. And if all this makes you a little camera shy, never fear, a media blackout can be arranged to cover all your health and general pillaging needs.
I say this year’s event has it all, so forget those wowsers trying to place a..umm..black cloud over the event. Luckily the IOC clearly agrees, stating that politics and sport don’t mix. Damn straight, politics have never found their way into sport in the past!
So let’s clear those slums, students, homeless, Tibetans, journalists or any other nuisance that’s blocking the Olympic torch and let’s celebrate Beijing style!
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